I am now a mother. I've pushed a healthy screaming baby out into the world in a flood of tears and blood. I've fed my baby from my breasts. And now here I am, my baby sleeping peacefully in my arms, heading home. I can do anything!
Nope. I was wrong, again!
Within hours of reaching home, there were tears - more from me than from baby. He was hungry, I tried to feed him, but he was still hungry. And he was crying.
Hearing his cries - hungry, angry, and upset - my heart broke. I just couldn't hold back my tears.
What kind of a mother am I? Within hours of separation from the nurses help, my baby can't stop crying! I've nursed him, why is he still hungry? Why don't I have enough milk to feed my baby? Why can't I provide the best milk for him? Am I holding him wrong? Am I hurting him? Why can't I make my baby happy? Is he sick? Am I making him sick?
After the first few distraught days, I've calmed down a little. But questions like these still haunt me every once in a while. I have a feeling that they won't ever go away.
But with time and support from dear hubby and wonderful friends and family, I'm calmer now, and more confident. I know we're all on this journey together - baby, hubby, and me. We're all learning as we go. But as long as we continue to support each other on this journey, I know we can be happy.
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