Sigh. It's been one of those days.
Actually, it's been one of those days since yesterday. :(
I can't seem to get anything right. Baby doesn't seem to like latching on. Bottle-feeding him (by me) makes him seem miserable. Burping takes forever. I can't even seem to rock/walk baby to sleep. :(
The worst thing is when auntie takes over after I've tried to placate him for ages, he immediately calms down. He just seems miserable whenever I'm near. Sigh.
I'm currently blaming it on the strong scent of the massage oils and the jamu. I'm really hoping that's it. If not...
Sometimes I feel so down thinking that maybe baby will be much happier if other people takes care of him. It certainly seems that way for the past few days. I feel selfish sometimes, wanting to assert my "motherhood" and to maintain my "mummy-pride". I refuse to believe that my baby actually prefers the confinement nanny instead of his mummy. I insist on carrying him, feeding him, burping him, etc, even when it's obvious he doesn't want me to. It's just so hurtful to see my previously crying/screaming baby boy instantaneously turn into a docile little baby the minute the nanny takes over.
When I've calmed downed from the mothering-frenzy, I'll suddenly feel so selfish. Isn't baby's happiness and health the most important? If baby's happier when the nanny's caring for him, how can I prevent that just to protect my fragile ego?
Seems like the mother-child bond that everyone talks about is only one-way in my case. I fell in love with my darling baby boy the minute I laid eyes on him. But it seems he's not returning the love.
Baby doesn't seem to be liking mummy much... :~(
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