I spent a large part of the morning hiding and crying in bed. That was after yet another unsuccessful nursing and burping session. This was especially heartbreaking as while I've kind of gotten used to baby being fussy in the evenings, mornings were kind of like "our time". Up until this morning, he had always been good during the morning nursing sessions. There were usually smiles, happy contented looks, a few explosive poops, and he'll usually drift off to a contented sleep after feeding, burping and changing.
But this morning it was totally different. He fussed at the nipple, struggled and cried. He nursed for barely 10 minutes on each side. Then it was the same for burping. He refused to be placated even after I walked him and rocked him. And as usual, when auntie took over, all was well within a minute. :(
I barely made it back into my room before the tears came pouring out.
It's tough.
I know I can deal with a fussy baby, I can make myself deal with the sleepless nights, constant nursing/burping/changing. It will be tough and tiring, but I can handle it.
What I find near impossible to take is my darling baby preferring a stranger to his mummy.
Sigh.
But it's a good thing I have a hubby who is understanding and supportive. Though he did nearly lose his patience with me this morning. Still, I don't think he really understands how I feel. Baby does "behave" better with him.
While crying in bed today, I couldn't help but think back fondly on the times when baby was still in my tummy. When I could feel him moving and kicking within me. We were so close, we were one. It's heartbreaking that my darling baby now prefers a total stranger to me. We shared a heartbeat once, and now he cries when I carry him.
Sigh. See. The tears are threatening to flow again.
But I will be strong. I know baby loves me (I hope). It takes time.
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