We have discussed and sort of settled on an arrangement for baby when I get back to work. But to be totally honest, I am really not sure that it will work. I'm planning on working half day in the office, and half day from home. The lucky thing is that I have an understanding boss who has agreed to try out this arrangement to see if it will work. I really did believe that it will work when I suggested this to my boss. However, that was when baby was still sleeping most of the time. Now that he is older, he is constantly curious about his surroundings, easily bored, and most importantly, refuses to take daytime naps longer than 15 mins. That will be a problem when I need to work from home.
But if this arrangement does not work out, what then?
Can we afford for me to be a Stay At Home Mum (SAHM) and lose my income? Or be a Part-Time SAHM and lose half my income? Will my company even consider having me stay on as a part-time staff? If not, any other part-time job will probably mean losing more than half of my current (very comfortable) salary.
I am also thinking of ways that I can earn money from home so that I can at least have a little bit of income for myself.
One of the main worries I have about being a SAHM is that I will have to entirely change my spending habits when my hubby is the only one bringing in income to the family. I will not be able to spend money anyway I please because the money I will be spending will not be mine, it's the family's money. While I believe that I am not a terrible spendthrift, it will still be a very difficult change in mindset for me. (Do I really need to buy this bag? Sure it is only $40 and beautiful, but do I really NEED it? $40 can buy a lot of diapers. Plus it's not fair to hubby if I spend it on myself on a want and not a need. I will feel like I should only buy a new bag when my current ones are torn and tattered.) I will no longer be able to say "This bag is only $40 and I love it. Besides, it is my own hard-earned money and I will spend it any way I please.".
Even if money is not an issue, am I mentally ready to be a SAHM? Will I go nuts from the lack of contact with the outside world?
Of course, being a SAHM does not mean that I have to completely cut myself off from my friends. However, because I am breastfeeding, I cannot afford to be away from baby for more than 4 hours straight. Even though someone else can feed baby with my EBM (Expressed Breast Milk), my boobs will explode if I go more than 4 hours without pumping them. So, having to lug my breast pump around and making sure that wherever I go has a nursing room for me to pump puts a serious damper on the festivities. Whenever I think of these constaints, I lose my good mood.
And of course, the most important question of all : why do I want to be a SAHM?
Is it so that I can escape from corporate work? Yes, partly (a very small part). Is it because I think it will be easier than working from home (at my current job) and taking care of baby at the same time? Yes, partly too.
But most importantly, I do not want to be away from baby during the most important period of his development. I want to be as involved as possible with every aspect of my little darling. I want to be there when he laughs, cries (err most of the time anyway), sleeps, and plays. I want to be present at every developmental milestone. I want to be involved in his character development. I want our bond to be the closest it can be.
So is this worth the sacrifice in loss of income? Of course it is. But am I really ready for it?
Sigh. So, it's a lot to think about, and not much time to think about it. Help!
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