Sad...

I'm really happy that my baby is such a social butterfly and that he gets along great with almost anyone.

But I want to be the most important person in his life. I want to be the one who can get him to smile under any circumstances, who can stop his cries with my hugs, who he wants when he's distressed. I want to be the number one person in his life. Even number two is fine if he's more of a Daddy's boy.

But I don't think I am. In fact, I think I am not even number two or three or four. He has the biggest smiles for his grandma. He's ecstatic when he sees his grandaunt, and even the family maid. Just not me. All I get are nonchalant glances and once in a while, small smiles.

I'm happy he loves his grandma, of course I am. I'm also happy he loves playing with the family. But I want him to love me the most. I want him to be happy when he's with other people, but the moment I appear, he only has eyes for me. I want him to love staying with his grandma, but gets incredibly happy when I bring him home. I want him to be happy when grandma is carrying him, but even happier when I take over.

But he is not. I'm trying so hard to be the best mummy for him. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I also don't understand why people are so concerned that baby will get too attached to me. I think that's not likely to happen any time soon. Whenever I'm carrying baby, someone will definately tell me not to carry him in case he gets too attached. If he's crying when I carry him, there will definately be comments about how I'm doing/done something wrong which caused his crying fit, or jokes about how baby doesn't want mummy, and someone will just take him out of my arms. Is that funny? Really? It's funny that baby doesn't want his mummy?

Why does it give people pleasure to see that baby prefers other people over his mummy? Why do people not want baby to be attached to mummy? Why are the ones who keep telling me not to carry him carrying him all the time? Why do people always try to block me from baby? They all tell me it's for my own good, if baby is too attached to me, I won't be able to have a life. Well, thanks. Now baby is not attached to me at all. Woo hoo. I can have a great life without my baby clinging on to me, because he prefers to be far away from me.

I don't need help to "detach" baby from me. I can do that all on my own with my boring personality and unimpressionable looks.