The Montessori baby room

Did I mention that baby is now able to roll over by himself? And not only is he able, he absolutely loves it! He'll roll over immediately as long as he is on a horizontal surface! It's hilarious, exciting (my baby is growing up so fast!), but also scary. You know, the usual new mummy worries - that he'll roll off the changing table, or roll off my bed, or roll and bump his head on something hard, etc. The main worry though, is that he'll roll and get his arms or legs caught in the bars on his cot and get hurt trying to free himself, or that he'll roll and hit his head on the hard wooden bars.

I've put in the cot bumpers now to help soften the bumps. But that was after much consideration. After all, almost all baby/parenting sites/books strong discourage the use of cot bumpers due to the increased risk of SIDS. The fear is that baby will somehow get trapped between the bumpers and the mattress, or get entangled in the bumper straps. Some research also shows that the air in the cot get very stale (which increases the risk of SIDS) due to the bumpers restricting air circulation.

But then, I've also read a lot about babies who get the arms or legs between the bars, and then BREAK them trying to free themselves, or give themselves a concussion after bumping their head on the wooden bars. SIGH.

So while looking for an alternative solution, I've pit the bumpers in while making sure that : - the bumper straps are tied tightly and away from baby's reach; - that there are no gaps in between the bumper and mattress; - and that baby's room is always well-ventilated when he's sleeping.

And of course, being the over-anxious new mummy that I am, constantly checking on him, making sure that his nose and mouth is always clear from the mattress or bumper.

So. That's the current arrangement. But I can't possibly sustain this for long. I'm getting really exhausted from the constant checks! haha

So while doing research on alternatives to the cot, I've discovered the Montessori floor bed! It's basically just a mattress on the floor. haha.



1 month later...

Ok, I wrote the above paragraphs one month ago, got interrupted, and forgot all about it, and here I am picking it up again!

Anyway, the bunny little's room has been transformed from a run-of-the-mill baby room into a toddler's adventure land! Except he's not exactly a toddler yet! haha!

I love his room so much, I want to sleep in it with him all the time! Except I'll get no sleep because he always treats me as an exciting obstacle course he has to climb over every time.

So we have a Ikea mattress on the floor, low shelving (baby-proofed! All corners padded) for his toys, and a huge playmat for him to play on. And of course the child-safe bladeless fan courtesy of the mahjongkakis aunties and uncles!

That was the initial arrangement. Until he got mobile and curious enough to venture outside the confines of the play mat and mattress. So we had to baby-proof the entire room with Daiso play mats (cheap cheap!), and pillows and cushions and cot & playpen mattresse and diaper packs! haha

Nice?

Sad...

I'm really happy that my baby is such a social butterfly and that he gets along great with almost anyone.

But I want to be the most important person in his life. I want to be the one who can get him to smile under any circumstances, who can stop his cries with my hugs, who he wants when he's distressed. I want to be the number one person in his life. Even number two is fine if he's more of a Daddy's boy.

But I don't think I am. In fact, I think I am not even number two or three or four. He has the biggest smiles for his grandma. He's ecstatic when he sees his grandaunt, and even the family maid. Just not me. All I get are nonchalant glances and once in a while, small smiles.

I'm happy he loves his grandma, of course I am. I'm also happy he loves playing with the family. But I want him to love me the most. I want him to be happy when he's with other people, but the moment I appear, he only has eyes for me. I want him to love staying with his grandma, but gets incredibly happy when I bring him home. I want him to be happy when grandma is carrying him, but even happier when I take over.

But he is not. I'm trying so hard to be the best mummy for him. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I also don't understand why people are so concerned that baby will get too attached to me. I think that's not likely to happen any time soon. Whenever I'm carrying baby, someone will definately tell me not to carry him in case he gets too attached. If he's crying when I carry him, there will definately be comments about how I'm doing/done something wrong which caused his crying fit, or jokes about how baby doesn't want mummy, and someone will just take him out of my arms. Is that funny? Really? It's funny that baby doesn't want his mummy?

Why does it give people pleasure to see that baby prefers other people over his mummy? Why do people not want baby to be attached to mummy? Why are the ones who keep telling me not to carry him carrying him all the time? Why do people always try to block me from baby? They all tell me it's for my own good, if baby is too attached to me, I won't be able to have a life. Well, thanks. Now baby is not attached to me at all. Woo hoo. I can have a great life without my baby clinging on to me, because he prefers to be far away from me.

I don't need help to "detach" baby from me. I can do that all on my own with my boring personality and unimpressionable looks.

A few difficult days and a major decision...

It has been a few difficult days.

Suffered through 4 days of intense toothache before I finally gave in and went to see the dentist. Turns out I had a bad tooth infection and had to have my wisdom tooth extracted (or rather, excised, since it was considered a minor surgery) on the spot. Now I am stuck with a painful swollen right cheek, a bleeding wound, 3 stitches, a ton of medication, 5 days of MC, and a week of not being able to breastfeed my baby. :( Sad.

I can't breastfeed as I'm not on 2 types of antibiotics and 2 types of pain medication. Only a minute amount of the medication will be in my breastmilk, but it will apparently make baby more prone to allergies. In any case, my dentist says that while it's not a major concern, she wouldn't breastfeed if she were me just to be on the safe side. That's enough to convince me.

On hindside, I probably should not have had the extraction if it will result in me not being able to breastfeed for a week. But my dentist said that because of the position of my wisdom tooth, the infection will keep coming back if it remains there. The only way to stop the infection for good is to remove the source. So I did. Sigh.

Anyway, being unable to breastfeed while staying at my mother-in-law's place is quite an unfortunate combination. I have to state first though that everyone has been great to me and baby, and doing everything they can to make things as comfortable as they can be for the both of us. On knowing that I had a painful tooth extraction, my mother-in-law even made sure that the maid cooks porridge, fish and some chinese "liang" teh for me.

However, it has still been a difficult few days for me. I know it's my own fault but I can't help it. I put so much pressure on myself to be the perfect mother and "daughter/granddaughte/whateverr/in-law". Everytime baby cries and is difficult and fussy while I'm around, I feel like such a failure of a mother. And in full sight and judgement of everyone! What a shame!

Worse still, I think that my personality is such a bland and unmemorable one that, in the presence of all the bright and colourful personalities in the household (including even the maids), my darling baby has forgotten me. :(

No matter how hard I try, it's just not in my nature to be constantly bubbly, chatty, loud and entertaining. I just can't compete with that. Who can blame my darling to prefer the entertaining fellows over his boring mummy? He doesn't smile much at me anymore, he doesn't even look at me anymore. He's always looking away at this toys or the moving fan when I try to engage him. But the minute his grandma appears, out comes the bright happy smile for her. I have to try very very hard just to elicit a small smile from him.

Sigh. It's heartbreaking.

Which is what brought me to seriously consider a very major change in my life.
  
I know I can't be the best mother in the world, but I want to be the best mother I can be. And I want that mother and child closeness that other people seem to have effortlessly, but which seems so difficult for me to achieve. That will probably mean I need to spend a lot more time with my baby which is very tough right now due to work commitments.

How? Should I? Can I?

Must stay positive...

I think being a mother has imbued me with a new sense of protectiveness over my loved ones. It hurts and pains me to know that someone I love is suffering, and because of my own commitments, I can't help out in any significant way. The only way I can think of to help is with emotional support, but then my family has never been big on public displays of emotions, so it's really new to me.

I'm just hoping and praying that everything will turn out well soon (very very soon).

Shopaholic Lust...

Here are some of the stuff I'm lusting after now...

Adenandanais Sleep Sacks

 

Their muslin cotton sleep sacks look perfect for Singapore's hot weather. Most of the swaddles and sleep sacks are made of thick cotton which are meant more for cooler climates. As I do not want to get Ryan baby used to sleeping with the air-conditioning on, most nights we just have the fan on in his room. So it's essential that he doesn't overheat, yet able to enjoy the security of a blanket.

It's also recommended that babies who do not yet know to turn over on their own not to use a blanket/comforter. This is because there is a very high risk of suffocation. So a baby sleep sack (or sleep bag) is best.

These from aden + anais look so breathable and cute I just can't wait to get them!



Bobo Choses

 

Bobo Choses is a relatively new Spanish brand created by a group of Spanish artists. Other than being creative, the brand is also commited to donating 10% of its profits to a textile-school workshop in Bangledash.

Ok I probably won't ever get anything from Bobo Choses because it's really quite out of my price range. But I really love their baby apparel! I love the styling, the graphics and the simplicity. Hoping for a super mega sale!


Brights & Stripes

 




This is a brand from the UK that has a range of super colourful happy kids apparel. After looking at a whole lot of pastel baby clothings, it's nice and refreshing to see some bright colourful clothes for a change. And best of all, they have the Magic Tee! They've used augmented reality to create a fun tee that can interact with the kids! I've watched their video demo and it's amazing.

Everything just looks so fun and colourful!

Happy 3rd Month, my darling!

My darling boy.. growing up so fast!

Milestone - Ryan's turning over!

Ever since the fluke flipping over he did sometime during his first month, today will be the first time he flips himself over from his tummy to his back!